It Matters

Barney passed away last week.

I wasn’t going to write anything about it because I know not everyone gets so invested with their animals and his death doesn’t really matter to everyone, but it matters to me.  Barney matters to me.  He was a part of my life and now he’s gone.  I loved him.

“There is nothing that can take the pain away.  But eventually, you will find a way to live with it.  There will be nightmares, and every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about, until one day, it will be the second thing.” –The Blacklist

Barney Update

 

The vet came out today to examine Barney.  I was on my way home from work when I got a call from my mom.  I let it go to voicemail because I didn’t want to know.  I assumed the worst.  When I finally got to my mom’s house, I went out to the barn & Barney was still there.  I then went to the house & my mom said that the vet had just left & Barney didn’t have a fatal disease.  The vet thought maybe he was sore because he had his horn removed about a week ago & it was kind of traumatizing for him, being as skittish as he is.  The vet didn’t find anything immediately physically wrong, which was good.  The thought of him not being with us is terrible.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. 

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today.

One of my mom’s goats is sick.

I’m a huge animal lover & when she got these goats, I bonded with them hardcore.  Mom has raised goats forever, but the last goats were different.  They’re fainting goats & just generally nervous.  It took me a long time of being around them before they would even let me pet them.  They’ve come such a long way & it breaks my heart that one of them is not well.

My mom called the vet yesterday & she’s making a farm call today to see what’s wrong with the goat, Barney.  The vet said that it could possibly be an incurable/fatal disease & that Barney will die.  I can’t deal.  He’s such a good goat & has come such a long way for it to end like this.  My stomach has been in knots all day just thinking about him.